2002-05-05 � 4:43 p.m.

I think I need to live in a much cooler state. It is SO fucking hot today. The heat makes me antsy and annoyed and in addition to that, I can't STAND to sweat. Whatever. I'll never move. EVER. Instead I'll just bitch and complain, but I'll never have the motivation or energy to get out of this town.

Brianna and I spent the day with Jenny. Jenny and I talked again about EB (English Boy)as it seems we've been doing non-stop since Friday. We both agreed that we were talking about it TOO much and he's probably long forgotten that he said anything in the first place. So, I ended up seeing him today. Jenny, Brianna and I had gone to the fabric store and when we got back to her house, Jason had locked us out. We were just pulling out of the driveway to go to find Jason, when they pulled up. EB was very friendly. Rolled down his window and said hi and asked how I'd been doing. Later when they came back for something, he was nice. No awkwardness. No friction. Jen and I agreed we'd overreacted and that everything seemed fine and we'd never mention it again. I feel a lot better.

I wish I could stop analyzing every little thing that happens to me. It almost always makes me miserable, but I can't seem to stop doing it. I wish I could think like a guy. I think it must be so great to be so simple. To say what you mean and mean what you say. To not sit around and wonder what another person REALLY meant when they said something to you. I'd like to be all nonchalant and aloof. How do you work on being that way?

I don't know.

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