09.09.03 � 7:17 am

Weddings are stressful, yo. And we still have 10 months to go.

Right now is a lot of negotiating who will give what money. I didn't expect anyone to pay for the whole thing, but there's no way I can do it alone. My dad gave me $1000 for the deposit at the St. Anthony, but I'm pretty sure that will serve as his donation for the whole event. My aunt said she'd give me $1000, but when I calculate everything else (dress, flowers, cake, photography, invites, music), I still come up needing almost $7000. How will I raise that in 10 months? There are ways I can cut corners, I know. We can do the flowers ourselves, have someone in the family make the cake. I'm pretty certain that no one would come to the wedding and shriek at the site of a homemade cake. Todd's grandma and sister have dabbled in cake decorating. He said they could probably do it.

Yesterday I came home from work COMPLETELY stressed out over this. Todd was comforting, but I think deep down it frustrates him because he didn't even want a wedding to begin with. At first he said "we'll work it out. you deserve a good wedding" then later he said "i wish i could give you a good wedding honey. but all i can promise you is a good life"

Yes, I know. I felt like such a complete ass after he said that. Of course all that matters is that he and I are going to be together. But I SO badly want a celebration with my family and friends.

Ultimately it's my decision. We either forge ahead and save our asses off or we bail on the whole project now.

On another note..

I went to my first class last night. School actually started last Wednesday, but I had a flat tire, so I missed. For those of you wondering, I did drop Algebra. I just think it's better to take the remedial classes first. So..the only class I'm taking right now is History of Jazz. And I can tell you, it's going to be amazing. A class devoted to talking about music AND I get a grade for it.

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