12.28.04 � 12:03 pm

From an email I sent to a friend this morning..

Well��you asked, so I�m going to tell you.

Wednesday night we gathered at my father in law�s for our Christmas get together with that side of the family. Todd and Brianna and I were there along with Todd�s sister Lacey and her boyfriend Adam and Todd�s brother Luke and his wife Erika who were in town from Pennsylvania (they recently moved there). Todd�s dad Charlie and his wife Emily and Todd�s grandmother (whom we call Nanny).

So�.we had desserts and opened presents and laughed. Nanny was telling stories in her goofy lil old lady way. She�s so tiny and sweet. Just the sweetest woman ever. Todd lived with her for two years and they were very close. He doted on her and looked after her. Shortly after we married, she moved into an assisted living facility. She just was too lonely without Todd there in the house.

Nanny and Todd and I were sharing a sofa and everyone was talking. All of a sudden, Luke said �Is Nanny okay?� and I looked over. Her head was back, like she�d fallen asleep and her lips were fluttering and she was gasping. Todd�s dad screamed �Mom! No! Breathe! Mom!� and we laid her down on the sofa. Her eyes were open, but she was vacant. She was gone. I later learned that is what it is like when someone dies. The horrible gasping sound of the last breath and the empty eyes as if the soul is already gone.

I realized at that point that Lacey had taken Brianna out of the room, so I went back there to be with her. Brianna was scared and I didn�t know how to comfort her as it was all so scary to me too and so surreal. We could hear them doing CPR on her and Luke saying �Nanny, we�re all here with you�. We heard the sirens of the ambulances and fire truck (two ambulances, one fire truck) and Brianna decided that she needed to see what was going on. Todd and I conferred and decided that the unknown would be scarier for Brianna than being able to see and process what was happening. So we went to the living room.

They had Nanny on the floor and there were 6 emt�s around her. They had used the AED to shock her heart and were now giving her CPR and trying to intubate her.

Once they got the tube into her lungs, they got her onto the stretcher and my father in law went with her in the ambulance. But not before we all huddled in the living room with arms around each other and prayed that Nanny wouldn�t suffer.

We followed the ambulance to the hospital and stayed until we learned that she�d had a massive heart attack and stroke. She was put on a ventilator and we were told to go home.

That night Todd cried himself to sleep. He asked me if I thought she was dead. We�d both seen that look in her eyes. I told him that I didn�t know. Then he asked if I thought she was proud of him or if he�d let her down. I said that I knew she was proud of him, but I know he didn�t believe me.

Thursday was spent at the hospital. They said she wasn�t completely brain dead, but most likely the twinges of brain activity they were seeing was just residual physiological reflexes. She was gone.

After everyone had left the hospital, Todd and I went in to see her. Her regular primary care doctor was there. As soon as we walked in, he shook Todd�s hand and asked, �Are you the grandson who lived her and goes to law school?� . Later I told Todd that was the proof his grandmother was proud of him. I could just see her going to the doctor and bragging about him.

Friday at about 1:15, they took her off life support. Todd and I went in to see her and Todd called his sister Michelle in Florida. He put the phone to Nanny�s ear and Michelle talked to her. Todd and I were sobbing. Todd rubbed Nanny shoulder and told her how much he loved her and how she was one the greatest women he�d ever known. We told her goodbye.

She�s not gone yet. They�ve moved her to a hospice and expect she�ll go very soon. Of course they also say that it�s very hard to predict. They say she�s not in pain, but if she shows signs of pain, they�ll load her up with morphine.

So it�s been a rough week for the Simons family.

It�s gotten better. We managed to enjoy Christmas. Brianna got a bike. I got a Tiffany bracelet. And we were all together. We spent Saturday and Sunday in San Angelo with my mother in law, Meredythe and Todd�s other grandmother and two of his aunts and his cousins Thad and Victoria. It was a lot of fun and was good I think for Todd. I think it got his mind off of things.

Now we just wait.

( I think I�m going to post this to my diary)

Love,

Kris

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