11.12.04 � 7:11 am

It's been very emotional for me. This has been harder than I anticipated. Everywhere I look, food is there. On television, in the house, in the grocery store! AND I can't have any of it. I never would have imagined that I had a food addiction...but now I know.

So it's been rather depressing for me. Of course I read about this before. Every timeline I've read says this is right on track and that it will pass within a few weeks. So, I thought I was prepared, but this, THIS has hit me like a ton of bricks.

In addition, I've been having these nightmares that I go to the doctor next Weds and they tell me I've only lost 5 pounds. Ridiculous, I know. But we're talking about a depressed person and depressed people dream about stupid shit like this. Anyway, I was telling Todd about my dream and of course he's been witness to my moping around the house drooling for some sustenance other than cottage cheese or tuna. Being the kind husband he is, he offered to go buy a scale just to set my mind at ease.

Off he goes to Walgreen's and when he returns I TEAR open the package that encloses the scale and retreat to the bathroom in privacy to check my progress onceandforall.

Imagine my horror when the stupid, piece of shit, loser ass, honky scale tells me I've not lost any weight. In fact, I've GAINED two pounds. With the wind knocked completely out of my sails, I return to the living room and calmy tell Todd of my gain.

THIS is when the waterworks start. "Why isn't this working?!", I cry. "I'm not eating jack shit. I haven't cheated. I've been walking." "I want to go back to the way I was, but now I can't because I can't change this!" All the while wailing like a stuck pig.

By this time, Todd is crying too. (which of course makes me stop crying because it's some sort of instinct I have. I physically CAN'T cry while he's crying) He tells me that I did the right thing and that stupid scale was cheap and has to be wrong and my body is set up now to lose weight so I've no choice, it's going to happen and why don't I call Dr. Pilcher and talk to him etc etc.

He calms me down a bit and we embark on the evening family errands. We also go walk the track at Walker Ranch Park.

Then we come home and the miracle happens. Unbeknownst to me, Todd decides to test the scale by weighing the eight pound bag of dog food. The scale says it weighs 26 pounds. Aha! Something's not right!

This is when he yells at me "Honey! Did you zero the scale?!" "What?!", I shout. "What the fuck does that mean?"
He comes over to me and excitedly tells me of his finding and ORDERS me back to the bathroom to recheck my weight.

I've lost fifteen pounds. Much more fucking like it!

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