07.21.02 � 11:46 am

Todd and I broke the bed last night.

We spent the day in Austin. He's never been there, so I totally enjoyed being the tour guide. We had lunch at Iron Cactus and spent an hour at Waterloo. (Only the greatest music store in the whole world) We went to some cool art and thrift stores and then met Jenna and her girlfriend Jenny at Guero's.

You know, it's funny. I'm sitting here typing this and thinking how perfect our day was. I don't know why I ended the day feeling so crappy about things. I think I must be PMSing.

What started it all was when we were leaving Guero's, Todd mentions how much fun he's had and he somehow throws in that part of the goodness was meeting "two cute girls" (i.e. jenna and jenny). Then about 1/2 an hour later he says out of the blue "Did you notice how perfect Jenna's lips were? They were perfectly lined and everything" Uh ok.

When we got back into town we went over to Jason's parent's house. He and Jenny were having a few people over. Jenny was drunk by the time we made it there. She keeps joking around about everyone skinnydipping. She says something to Todd about skinnydipping and he says "I'm just looking forward to seeing YOU skinnydip, Jenny" What?!

Jenny didn't seem offended, but it bothered me. I know it's not a big deal and it's probably just insecurity, but still. I don't want to date someone who's going to hit on my fucking friends!

We had planned for Todd to spend the night. On our way home from Jason's, Todd says, "I think I'm going to go home tonite, will that hurt your feelings?"

Of course I lied and said no.

Anyway, we got home and started watching a movie and things happened and one thing led to another and we ended up breaking the bed. My bed now slants to the right corner. It's like rolling downhill.

I don't know what was wrong with me. But we were laying there and I was so sad. I cried into the pillow and he never knew. I'm not usually such a baby, I don't know what was wrong with me. I just felt overwhelmingly scared about what I'm getting myself into. He was very sweet. He said he didn't want to go home, that we don't get many opportunities to stay together. He was affectionate. I mean, really, he was perfect. I'm not sure what I was thinking.

I don't want to let past experiences ruin the potential for a good relationship. I don't wanna be the girl with "baggage". I had though a lot of that crap was behind me, but as I sit here and dwell on yesterday and what happened and how I felt, I see that it's all still there. Just hidden.

Todd really is great. And we have so much fun together.

And we broke the bed! That has to count for something, right?

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