11.24.02 � 4:29 pm

So yesterday I was gushing ridiculously about Todd. I suppose I was blinded in a fog of...well a fog of something that is blinding.

Today I'm pissed off. I know I go from hot to cold and I'm beginning to sound slightly manic.

So here's the deal: Last night as Todd was leaving he asked me a few times if he could spend the day with us today. I know him well enough to know that "the day" means somewhere between 2 and 8. So I didn't freak when he didn't call me til 2:30. He called on my cell and I was at my dad's. He said he'd be over in a little over an hour. At 4 I left my dad's and called Todd. HE HADN'T EVEN FUCKING SHOWERED YET. The thing that pisses me off is that....it was HIS idea to come over, yet I'm left feeling like I'm begging him to hang out with me. It makes me feel like coming over here is not very important to him. And why would I want him to come over if it isn't truly what he wants to do?

It's so fucking insulting because the things he'd rather be doing are sleeping and watching tv. I've been cast aside for other friends. Other women. But FUCK. Casting me aside to do absolutely NOTHING?? How is THAT supposed to make me feel?

I'm not a high maintenance girl. I don't have to be the MOST important thing in someone's life (though it would be nice) but I would like to have SOME importance. A LITTLE value, for God's sake.

There are so many aspects of Todd that are so very very good. But then there are just these few that send me into fits of fury.

I feel like Carrie on the-greatest-show-of-all-time, but I have to ask...

Is putting up with the bullshit really worth NOT being alone???

I mean, let's face it, I AM alone anyway, right?

previous - next